a few years back i began taking to the hills to a lovely hermitage cottage, either solo or with a couple of dear friends. i just returned yesterday afternoon from a solo venture, where i read, wrote, lingered with endless cups of tea and deep ponderings about spirit and soul. i received a few answers and also was challenged with new questions. time slowed down immensely, never hurried to be anywhere other than the present moment.
i realized with this particular visit that i have seemed to fallen into a bit of a routine even while on solo retreating, where i had hoped regular ‘routine’ would be the farthest thing from my plan. i desire to make these journeys a time set apart- where the trappings of everyday life fade into the background, and spontaneous wonder and magic happenings spring forth like unexpected spring flowers.
found myself in the space where ritual intersects with great expectation.
i’ve stepped into this new year with the intention of devoting time and energy to rituals and the importance they play in our lives on a daily basis. holding to them creates a place of inspiration, sacred reflection and inner strength.
learning that every retreat i’ve taken thus far takes on a life and plan of it’s own, i’ve learned to hold loosely my vision of what a getaway should look like. the less the expectation and pressure to ‘be’ a certain way the better off i am. it proved true these past two days as i was stuck in the middle of a rain storm where the sun never showed it’s warming face to me until the moment i got in the car to leave yesterday morning. such is life! i took it for being exactly what it should have been and all was well. the weather actually forced me to detour from my usual rituals that i preform on it’s sacred grounds. the drizzle and storm with simply not permit it, as my rituals include outside walks which meant mud caked all over my boots, which i was just not in the mood to deal with.
the old me would have sucked it up and gone out into the storm anyway, determined to stick to my rituals, no matter how miserable i was while doing them. this would have been in vain-this going through the motions of a ritual just to say i had stuck to it no matter what. it’s at that point that i realized how much i have changed over the past few years. i am learning to separate nostalgia, ritual and tradition from plans, expectations and memory making just for the sake of doing.
i do ritual because i adore it and it adds to my life. it is for me and me alone, and the outside world needs to not be made known of this secret part of myself. ritual is not beating myself up for taking some time off because of sickness or mood shift or weather changes. ritual is okay with morphing into something else along the process, it does not hold judgement of the ever changing flow of who we are and what feeds our souls at different life seasons.
the lower the great expectation of getting away the better. this opens me up to experience and receive exactly what God knows i need, not what i think i am there for. the unexpected lesson and teachers always show up, to which i am thankful i kept my calendar and heart wide open.
i came home early this retreat.
i lost money for one night’s stay and i left early.
i had shown up, felt like i received that which i had come to receive, and my cup felt full. staying another day and night longer didn’t feel like it fit this particular journey so this became a good practice in letting go. my former self would have just stayed for the principal of getting my full money’s worth.
when great expectations are held loosely, rituals add to my life and i listen to the matters of my heart, i realize life seems to go a lot smoother and the space is opened up for magic and mystery to invade my world.
it is all extremely well.
image: roofkiss.tumblr.com/post/41380372366